Every morning when I wake up I feel:

a) kind of gross
b) reluctant to get out of bed because I can’t think of what to do once I am out there.
c) like I wish I could cry.
d) like I wish that I could cry so much that I would almost welcome someone to come punch me in the face, so that it would finally happen.
e) like if I lay still enough, my molecules will be able to feel a ghost.
f) uncertain about whether or not I want to feel a ghost.
g) like if I lay still enough I will be able to feel a bomb.
h) afraid that I wouldn’t be able to relate to anybody anymore if I were lucid about things like bombs.
i) in particular, bombs that have gone off in the past.
j) in particular, nuclear bombs.
k) in particular, nuclear bombs that have been detonated by the country, of which I am a citizen.
l) in particular, ones that were set off in cities where people lived.
m) caught in debate about whether I should aim for 8 hours or 10 hours of sleep, and curious about whether those 2 extra hours would be better spent “getting things done” or “remaining calm in a state of dormant meditation”
n) a little worried about paying the rent.

Thank you to Julian, seen above, who works at On The Boards in Seattle, for being the best sound engineer at a concert, ever.

Pressing on,

love,

khaela

p.s. thank you for the comments.  It’s useful.